textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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