from now on my penis is your penis
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think your dad took our porno
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
