I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
