just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
