fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We need to rekindle our bromance
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
