You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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