Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
