There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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