I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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