We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
