Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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