After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
