Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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