I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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