Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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