Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
