I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
