Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
