Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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