Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
