I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
