I got chris browned last night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
