does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
