Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We have started to decorate penises.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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