i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
