I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
