I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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