This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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