Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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