unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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