I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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