so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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