Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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