It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
