I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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