I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
