a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
