You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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