The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
