Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
