I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
