3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
