Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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