If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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