If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
