Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to stop coming to work sober
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
