i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
