im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
