honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
