i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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