I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
there is puke in my bra ... again
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