I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
