hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
