What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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