remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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