lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
