i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
