we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
