dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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