me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
