I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
