if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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