oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
