He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
