i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
