So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
