The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
