they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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