look no pants
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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