im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bring me that man meat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
