It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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