Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
