i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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