If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
