i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
