Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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