I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
